How to Tame a Cold Queen
by anastasia 1234
Summary: 'However, what everyone had learned throughout the time spent in the mansion, was that Queen Zelda was to be the most feared when angry. Only one man had enough arrogance and stupidity to ignore every warning and signal that screamed stay clear, and that was the famous Captain Falcon' Humor, a bit of Zelink romance, and some cute Pichu.


_I do not own SSB Characters. All rights belong to companies. _

_This is just a humorous one-shot, so hope you like!_

_~Anastasia_

* * *

_How To Tame A Cold Queen_

There was something to be said of women when they're angry. They became the most feared creatures throughout the universe, and every man, whatever species or...thing they may be in the Super Smash Mansion knew that when one of the five girls were angry; someone would pay hell if they got in their way.

Jigglypuff was known to be quite vengeful in such a state. Anyone who crossed her had found themselves waking from a spell-sleep, only in underwear and tied to a chair where all others could see them. Falco had been the unfortunate one to learn this trick of hers.

Nana had a hammer that she wielded with precise accuracy, and was short enough that with one upward swing, that wooden mallet could leave any grown man falling to his knees in hopes that they would still be able to have children.

Peach had a cute sort of pout that played on her lips, palms that left stinging slaps, and a scolding that left every victim feeling as though they had just disappointed their mother. Guilt would then gnaw at their insides like a parasite.

The famous bounty hunter, Samus Aran, fit perfectly under the category of 'hell's wrath'. Her fuse was short, and her temper full of fire. Crossing her left bruises patching the skin, to which she would promptly yell, threaten and curse before storming away.

However, what everyone had learned throughout the time spent in the mansion, was that Queen Zelda was to be the most feared when angry. Unlike her fiery blonde friend, and sweet Princess companion, the Hylian had a sort of cold fury. Silver-blue eyes blazed like ice and daggers, her eerily quiet temper was like the anticipation of a nuclear bomb. The worst was her commonly stoic features were still as stone-set as any other day, yet her fists crackled with powers from her Goddess chosen gift, and just the smallest spark could ignite her frozen fury.

None had dared to be the victim of such ire, and so, this was skillfully avoided at every chance.

Until one day was pushed a little too far.

Zelda's day had begun bad, so they said. She had attained little sleep, due to Crazy Hand having been unleashed at an unfortunate time in the night, and the Queen of Hyrule had been one of the only Smashers awake at the time to help fix the situation.

By the time morning arrived, it was rumored that Pichu was missing, and Link had gone for groceries, as it was his turn for such a chore, therefore, further burdening the royal Hylian of an already tiring day. Pichu was closest to Zelda personally, so his disappearance had her worried, and the green clad Hero's absence was another thing to dread.

However, being Queen, she had practiced patience with such events, and so, did not let this turn her attitude cruel to the other Smashers.

This aspect changed when Ganondorf took it upon himself to try and capture her while Link was gone, therefore, breaking contract all villains had signed upon arriving at the tournament.

By this time, Zelda's tolerance was decreasing rapidly, and in a moment of pure irritation, left the Tyrant with a broken wrist and two fractured ribs. No one asked what exactly had occurred, for Ganon refused to speak about it from wounded pride, and approaching the Queen with the topic was putting themselves forward for bodily harm.

So with this every occurrence, all Smashers specifically stayed clear of her. They knew her patience was now short, and to probe at it was like playing hot potato with a grenade. Only one man had enough arrogance and stupidity to ignore every warning and signal that screamed stay clear, and that was the famous Captain Falcon.

It was his own fault, in retrospect, yet he had also been one of the unlucky duo to have to face her in team brawl for elimination rounds.

The announcers voice rang through the air as the four smashers stepped onto the teleportation plates and flashed to Halberd. "_Kirby, and Zelda...versus...Captain Falcon, and, Wario_!"

As the four figures appeared on stage, shown to every screen on campus, the count down began.

"_Three! Two! One!...Go!_"

The fight commenced immediately when Kirby swallowed Wario and spit him over the edge, landing a spinning kick on the fat man as he double jumped back to recover ground. Zelda faced her own rival, the arrogant Pilot who stood across from her to the left of the stage, a smirk set on his features as the platform lifted to the air.

"Show me ya' moves!" Daring her to approach with a beckoning gesture of his finger, the Queen could feel her blood boil beneath her fair skin as he gave another taunt of showing off his muscles.

With clenched teeth, Zelda shot a fireball to Falcon, and he moved just as she predicted by dodging with a roll within her reach, giving her the close combat she sought. In an arc of her sparking fingers tips, electricity jolted the muscular Captain and knocked him back a few feet before he stood with a quick recovery.

The match continued on in this fashion, with each pair of rivals battling to best the other. The single-stock match stretched into the three minute mark when Kirby was sent flying off stage and KO'd.

"_Blue team, player two, defeated!_"

A silent unladylike curse slipped from Zelda's lips upon hearing this announcement. Luckily, her teammate had rendered Wario to high percentage, so eliminating him wouldn't be a difficult task. However, it was the narcist Captain that was grating her already thinned nerves.

Over and over again, he tried to land his famous Falcon Punch, yet every time, she either dodged, avoided, or reflected the blow. This made it no less annoying however, for repeatedly he was using this move, and now that she had enemies on both sides, she found the slip of patience she had left completely gone.

Her thoughts raged, _I swear, if he says that __**one more time**__..._

As if on cue, her opponent drew back his fist with a grin. "Falcon..._Punch_!"

Whether by distraction or lack of speed, Zelda was unable to dodge it this time, and it sent her skidding over the end of the platform to where she gripped the edge before pulling herself up.

Her body began to tremble, eyes flashing with blue, violet, and gold as the triangle etched onto the back of her palms began to glow.

"_That's it!" _

With a yell, her body became engulfed in a sensation of sparkles before she appeared with a twist in a state half of her usual Sheik attire. Her garbs were still the same tight navy blue suit, but her hair was down in fluttering sheets of brown, crown having disappeared to show her cut bangs, and all tresses braid free as it whipped in the wind.

Launching forward with unnatural speed, in a zip of blue, Wario was in her grip and struggling to get out of her vice-like fingers to no avail. Violently, a knee came up and slammed his pudgy stomach, an elbow cracking over his skull that rendered him unconscious, before being flung off the stage and into the air where a shot of white flashed from below.

"_Player one, Red team, defeated!_"

With feral eyes, Zelda turned back to the Captain.

"You like _fire _Falcon_?_" She yelled at him over the high speed winds and engines, her voice colder than winter's ice.

In a flash of green and yellow, she disappeared, only to materialize right behind the bulky man and set him aflame. When Falcon pivoted to counter with a high kick, she was already gone and reappearing behind him, followed by a lightning kick to his side.

As the Pilot sailed through the air, it came to everyone's shock, and horrific fascination when Zelda continued to reappear at the sides of the stage and repeatedly kicking him with her magic-induced heel, sending him flailing back and forth through the air like a rag doll. In one final slam, her foot hit his spine and he dropped like dead weight to the floor, unmoving.

Everyone watched on with bated breath as the Queen landed gracefully from Farore's Wind and dusted off her suit before casually walking to the edge of the stage where her opponent lay at her feet.

A sickeningly sweet smirk played on her thin lips as she tilted her head before nudging his body with her foot, gently pushing him off into the open air as he unceremoniously dropped off screen in another beam of white.

"_Player two, Red team, defeated! Blue team wins!"_

Zelda stood still and waited till the flash of the teleportation device took her back to the Mansion where she stepped into the lounge and gently strode away, ignoring the various looks of her fellow smashers and disappearing into the hall before entering her room.

It didn't take long for rumors to spread of just what had transpired, as those who had watched, which was majority, told in detail of the events of the battle to those who had missed the entire ordeal. Some words were twisted into exaggeration, while others tried to downplay the scene in hopes of less violence. Either way, it was the story of the week, and would continue to be remembered in the long run.

It was lunch when Zelda was finally seen again, as she sat alone in the cafeteria, as all other smashers squished to the other side to keep distance. It was clear upon the Queen's features from her still sparking hands and flashing sapphire eyes that she had yet to fully calm after such a trying day, and after witnessing the consequences of crossing her, all including her closest friends decided to keep space between to let her cool.

The large room was eerily quieter than usual, as whispers and murmurs circled the tables with glances sent every and which way, and the tension was only broken as the door to the cafeteria slammed open, and standing under the arch was a green clad blonde, and in his arms, a short yellow mouse.

"Hey Zelda!" Link called, a grin splitting his face as he walked over towards her table.

All silenced as they watched the poor unsuspecting Hero approach the terrifying Queen.

Many shook their heads and closed their eyes. They did not want to see the corpse.

Link, oblivious to every watching eye and every strand of suspension that hung in the air, continued to smile cheekily as he stopped a few feet away and held out his hands. "Look who I found on my way back from town!"

Zelda stood, her eyes first on Link, then down to the small yellow mouse with black tipped ears in his hands. And to everyone's blatant shock, a beautiful smile graced her face as she stepped closer and took the Pokemon into her arms, hugging it to her chest.

"Pichu! You had me so worried!" Holding him up in front of her face, she gave a concerned look. "Don't you do that again, okay?"

"Pi! Pichu, Pi!" He exclaimed happily in his own language, to which the Queen smiled endearingly to and hugged him closer, stroking his head fondly. Her smile turned back to Link, eyes shining happily. "Where was he?"

"I took a shortcut through the forest and found him sleeping beneath a tree. He seemed to have gotten lost and couldn't find his way back." He grinned as he watched his Queen hold the Pokemon closely. "I thought you'd be happy to see him, almost as much as he is to see you."

Zelda stepped forward and placed a sweet kiss onto the Hero's cheek, leaving him flushing pink as he scratched the back of his neck. It was uncommon for her to make such outright affection. "Thank you Link. I have missed you today. It has been quite trying."

Link looked sympathetic and worrisome as he placed an arm around her waist and brought her closer. "Next time I have to restock the food, I'll make sure to take you with me."

"Please do."

Sharing a quick smile between the two, Link glanced to the door before looking at her with confusion creased brows. "While I made a pit-stop to the kitchen, I passed the infirmary and found Wario, Ganondorf, and Captain Falcon all banged up and beaten pretty bad. The nurse even said Falcon won't be able to move for a couple more days due to a mild paralyzing of the spine. Did something happen while I was gone?"

For a brief moment, the light in Zelda's eyes flashed dangerously once again, before she looked down to the yellow mouse asleep in her arms. "...I told you it was a very trying day. I suppose my patience ran short due to lack of sleep."

Link pulled back to look at her with wide eyes, his gaze flickering to her Sheikah outfit and loose hair, then back to her face. "Wait, _you _put them there? That was all you?"

The Queen's silence was answer enough, and again, Link's reaction astounded the watching eyes.

He began laughing gently, shaking his head as he pulled her close once more, mouth bending to her ear as he spoke and placed a chaste kiss to her temple. "That's my girl."

Those close to the Hylian pair, were quite intrigued by this sight; for they were not 'officially' an out-stated couple, but upon more time present in one anothers company, they had begun to act as such. They were strangely connected, like two souls intertwined in the same fate; and from several variations of the stories of their past, that may just be true.

The rest of the Smashers continued to watch with exasperation and shock pronouncing their features. What had happened to the furious, and outright unapproachable Hylian Queen moments ago?

"Come on Zel. Why don't you, me, and Pichu here eat somewhere else? My treat. I just so happened to bring back some peppermint coffee creamer and those mint Oreos you've come to love so much."

With this, all signs of left over anger completely melted from Zelda's face. Her expression was at its neutral stoicism, but almost glowing with happiness as her eyes shone. The pair disappeared out the cafeteria door, and as their footsteps melted away, they left a gaping crowd in their wake.

Roy was the first to speak.

"What...just...happened."

Mario nodded in agreement. "Mamma mia."

"Aw!" Peach gushed. "That was so cute!"

Everyone else remained silent until a series of whispers, mutterings and laughter broke out through the tables. Craziness such as this could only be found in the Smash Mansion.


End file.
